Parenthood Therapy

A child with a problem is not a problem child.

A parent without solutions is not a bad parent.

Every problem provides an opportunity to strengthen a parent’s understanding of the role they fill for their family, and of the meaning their parenthood brings to their own life.

The goal in approaching a problem should therefore be focused less on finding out whose fault it is, and more on seeing who should, and could, be part of a solution.

What Is Parenthood?

Parenthood, simply put, is the period spent as parents, in the same way that childhood is the time spent being a child.

Parenthood usually starts at a child’s birth, but often comes later, as families split, re-form, and take new shapes. What all parents share – whether adopted, biological, court-ordered, proxy, in-law or step – is children, past, present and/or future.

Parenthood changes with time and age, not just the child’s but the parent’s too. It is a fluid, dynamic state of being, shaped by many things:

  • by our values and traditions, our belief systems or their absence;
  • by our families and the wider environments in which we live;
  • by the childhood we had;
  • and by our own parents, whom we wish to celebrate and emulate, or to correct and improve.

Being a parent sits at the very heart of the work-life balance: somehow neither of them, and very much both, all at the same time.

What Is Parenthood Therapy?

Parenthood Therapy is therapy for parents, about challenges relating to their parenthood and their experiences as a parent. Children may be the topic of discussion, though they are not invited to the sessions.

Parenthood Therapy provides parents with the space, time, and expertise to fine-tune and improve family dynamics, to identify the interpersonal elements that need attention, and to promote positive communication in and around the home. It is a partnership between experts in their family and an expert in helping families.

Parenthood Therapy takes place in an online setting. This allows for flexibility in scheduling and lets parents participate in sessions from the comfort of their own home. This is useful when two parents join a meeting from separate locations.

Meetings are 50 minutes long.

The process begins with:

  1. A. a conversation about you and your family, about the reasons you came to therapy, and about what you hope to leave with.
  2. B. a mapping out of the challenges and opportunities that are central to your parenthood, identifying underlying factors and achievable goals.
  3. C. a recognition of potential partners, allies and resources: in school and after-school activities, among friends and family, in holy texts or ancestors’ stories.

With all that in mind, you will receive a trackable treatment plan suited to your needs, which can be revised and adapted as the process progresses.

Every five sessions we will review the developments and choose the next steps accordingly.

What Challenges Can Parenthood Therapy Help With?

Parenthood Therapy can help if you and your child are experiencing difficulties with:

Daily routine

  • Keeping up with homework, chores and work
  • Getting ready for school
  • Getting ready for bed

Health and wellbeing

  • Overcoming challenges at mealtimes
  • Maintaining healthy habits relating to screen time and exercise
  • Negotiating between parental boundaries that provide security and the child’s need for independence

Feelings and emotions

  • Identifying the early signs of depression, anxiety and other conditions in either child or parent, and finding the right resources to help
  • Responding to phobias, tantrums, shouting and tears
  • Recognising when a parent is feeling overwhelmed, burned out or worn down

Social and communication skills

  • Adjusting to the culture and systems of life in the UK
  • Communication between parents and children, between siblings, or in the home as a whole
  • Making or keeping friends
  • Balancing fun and functionality when choosing activities

Achievement and aspirations

  • Evaluating shared academic, sporting and professional goals and aspirations
  • Identifying where these differ between those involved in the process
  • Finding the common ground between the ideal and the real

Family changes

  • Divorce, new siblings, relocation, immigration, changes in financial circumstances, illness or death in the family

Get in Touch

If you think Parenthood Therapy might be useful for you as an individual parent, as co-parents, or as an educator, please leave your name, email, and other relevant information on the confidential form below.

You should receive an answer by the end of the next working day.

The Basic Principles of Parenthood Therapy

Take a BreathYou can’t help others when you lack oxygen for yourself

When flying in an aircraft, a rapid decrease in cabin pressure may cause hypoxia, the medical term for a lack of oxygen.
This can happen in mere seconds.
Therefore, however selfish it may feel, you must resist the reflex to help others, and tend first to your own mask.
By making sure that you have a sufficient supply of oxygen, you will be of use to other people, including your children.

The same principle is true of parenthood and of other roles of care. Parents who feel overwhelmed, dazed, or out of ideas will find it difficult to help others. This will remain true no matter how much we wish to help.
Sometimes it helps to ask ourselves:

Do I need to take a breath?

Zoom OutSeeing the wood for the trees helps each plant find its light

Three things are usually true:

  • Parents are, almost without exception, the absolute experts in everything to do with their children.
  • Parents are also, almost invariably, full of insecurity, uncertainty and self-doubt.
  • The best solutions are usually things parents have already thought about, or already know, rather than any new or exotic ideas.

When tending to their little patch of the woods, many parents get “stuck in the weeds”, bogged down by minutiae, or snagged on thorny topics. At such moments, an external professional perspective may help by gathering, organising and presenting the details in a fresh formulation.

How do elements interact in my family’s ecosystem?

Choose a PathPlan a path through a problem and you have most of its solution

No matter how high or sheer the mountain, the experienced climber always follows a similar mantra:
First, accept that the mountain exists, and that you have chosen to climb it.
Next, study the rock from below and choose your “line”, which means mapping the ascent section by section, or as mountain climbers call it: “pitch by pitch”.
Before commencing a section, map out every potential handhold and foothold, and mark the “crux” of the climb, the section that seems hardest to traverse. These, of course, may change.

By the time most people seek help, the specific problem they are facing has usually grown into a mountain with new small problems of its own.

Things often feel too large to handle, too titanic to cope with. Yet seeking help as a parent is often a daunting prospect, with its unique elements of guilt and shame. Proper planning can go a long way towards choosing the best line of ascent, getting over the crux and – with a little help – reaching the peak of the mountain that used to be a problem.

One person’s molehills are another’s mountains; each path is personal.

Who I Am and What I Do

Daniel Feldman on a sofa at home, with his dog Mikey

I’m Daniel Feldman, a registered educational psychologist.

Educational psychology, as defined by the British Psychological Society, focuses on helping children and young people overcome problems that disrupt their learning.

This is often interpreted through the lens of academic achievement, but can also relate to learning in a wider sense, as the younger generation learns family and community values, develops social skills, and inherits the practices of various cultures.

Having worked overseas for a decade as part of a local education service, I saw the positive impact of empowering parents and teachers to be the agents of change in their children’s lives. My conclusions led to the formulation of Parenthood Therapy. I found that in the vast majority of cases, the best results are achieved when:

  1. The parents have a choice between tools, techniques and support networks to manage a given situation, and feel confident in using them flexibly.
  2. The children are invited to be part of the solution as responsible collaborators – not as the boss or as mindless drones – but as important “middle management”, with their role expanding based on their capacity.
  3. The solution is shared with the educational framework and other important pillars in the family’s life. No need to keep things a secret.
  4. Fun, play, communication and creativity are usually a major part of a successful solution.

I now live in Oxfordshire and work with parents and teachers in person and online, in English and in Hebrew, focusing on the tenets of Parenthood Therapy. Among other things, I promote the “Trinity” of healthy education – fluid, positive communication between parent – teacher – and child.

Alongside my practice, I am also writing a number of books for children and for adults. You can find out more by clicking here.